An unknown illness reveals need

Then the world blurred into color,
sound, and the lack of ground
beneath my feet. This would be

death, but for the cool porciline
of the bathtub against my sweaty
face and the question of what to do
with my last moments. Getting up, struggling

thru double vision, arms and legs dancing
towards the bed, a sickening marionette.
I hold in my mind the idea of myself

at the other end, ok, laughing. For days
my brain melts into a buzz of exhaustion,
pain, and the need for a hand on my back
or my arm. All I get: the checkout girl

pulling away as I kneel to vomit
in the trash can next to her register,
a brush of a neighbor’s hand when

he hands me some pills, and the dream
I held to lull me to sleep of unknown
arms around my body, holding me down
when all of my life was the sea.


Filed under Frustrations and Rants, poetry

6 responses to “An unknown illness reveals need

  1. Wonderfully done, especially the last line. Glad you’re better.

  2. Beck

    Amazing Stacey, how you can take something that has made you life a wreck for weeks and make it a beautiful piece of art.

  3. This is fucking excellent.

    “I hold in my mind the idea of myself / at the other end, ok, laughing.”

    That has been me for the past year. Me. Exactly. I am still trying to hold in my mind that idea of myself, and that I can and will get back to her.

  4. Thank you all. It still needs some more revision, but I think it has good bones.

  5. This definitely has good bones! Oh yes, it does!

    I was going to comment on the same lines Dana mentioned, how I too can relate to that idea, how I love the way you said it.

  6. Yes, it has good bones, nice legs, a rolling off the tongue poem that captures a wretched moment. Strange how a description of a low point can sound so beautiful to the ear. Beauty in pain. Great poem, slynne.

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