Little Red (draft)

Critique away, my friends!

Inside his belly, she had time
to think. It was dark and
warm until sharp metal brought
sun. If you believe it

she crawled out and kissed
his bearded cheek without
questioning how closely
it resembled the one that devoured

her. His teeth were smaller,
flat, he ware a plaid shirt. If you
believe. She could have
crawled back in to hide. Maybe

there was no plaid shirted
man with an axe. She tore her own
way out through stomach and vessel,
artery and muscle. The biological evidence

is beneath her fingernails. She knows
the truth, why leap from one set of fangs
to fall into another, no matter how
well shaved the face.

3 Comments

Filed under Musings, poetry, writing

3 responses to “Little Red (draft)

  1. i like the comparison of the woodsman to the wolf. the whiskered cheek, the teeth. i’m also thinking maybe compare the ax to the wolf’s claws?

    also, what would she hide from, if she were to crawl back inside?

  2. Thank you so much, Emily. These questions are definately helping me to get where I need to go.

  3. polkadotwitch

    i REALLY like how this begins from inside the belly instead of how most red riding hood tales start on the path to grandma’s house. right there you have a keeper.

    i stumbled on “biological evidence” — may be more powerful to name for us what’s actually under her nails. we care more, i think, about her actions than the forensics?

    i have a couple ideas … going to email, i think ….

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