Deceitful

Every person who is not strait has been called this at some time. Or almost every person. Often times, we get called this by our parents. Sometimes, we get it from friends or collegues. Those of us who are Bi or Transgendered even get it from the people we are with. The people we love.

Our parents throw the insult at us, wondering why we hid ourselves even as they belittle the existance of our love. They want us to change, to be the people they had imagined we would become. They want us to honestly be the facades we hide behind. It hurts. It tears us apart.

Friends and collegues can come and go. Lovers can get out of the picture our get over themselves. But parents are forever, and just like every other person out there, we want our parents to be proud of who we are. We don’t want to lie to them to get it, but it is often necessary.

I’ve been the black sheep of my little brood for quite some time. I was brilliant as a child, and everyone knew it. I never applied myself, though. When I was a freshman in highschool, I dated a girl secretly. But your parents always figure it out. They said I couldn’t see her. I never really addressed it with most of my friends.

As I got older, I dated guys mostly. I broke my parent’s hearts by not going pre-med. I am quite successful changing people’s lives as a social worker, but when my mother tells her friends to ask me what I do for a living, it is in a tone that suggests that I work as a McDonald’s cook.

I am in love with a woman, LK, whose parent’s don’t agree with Homosexuality. In the name of keeping the peace, LK kept me to herself. I did the same with my parents. This week, my mother listened to my voicemails, and one was a very vivid message from LK. My brother told my sister-in-law that they (family) had better not talke crap to me.

This week, LK’s mother asked her about me and LK fessed up. She and I both spent the evening afraid that she she would be kicked out. She wasn’t.

It hurts to know that you aren’t truly being a liar, you are just trying to keep your family happy

2 Comments

Filed under Frustrations and Rants, lust and love, Musings, Uncategorized

2 responses to “Deceitful

  1. LK

    Ahhhh, the beauty of life.

  2. splitends

    This is a family dynamic I’ve seen show up in so many ways… I really hope that if I’m ever a mom, I can accept and love my kids through anything, even if it’s something I never expected…

    I’m rambling, but I hope this gets better for you both.

    And I hope the world gets better at understanding.

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