Things I wasn’t told

I’m timid.   I stay out of the way.  I say things like, sorry, and excuse me, and thanks way more than anyone should.  Is it because I grew up in a society that has certain expectations for a gal?  Is it because my babysitter and brother used to beat me up when I was little?  I don’t think so. 

I think I was just never taught to be assertive.  I was never taught how to speak up, how to take what I want.  Because I have no experience with it, I just sort of wade thru and deal.  I try to stand up and say, speak up and what not. 

I was also never told how to make new friends, how to get over that low level of fear that occurs when you are about to dial a friend’s number.  I’m socially stunted.  That could be why I like cartoons.  And Nick sitcoms.  It could also be the key to why I am a bit of a loner.

I was never told how to wash clothes, or how to change the oil in my truck.  These are things one can figure out on their own, though.  Experience and what not.

or how to get rid of a cold in less than two weeks.  That’s how long I’ve had one.  One week now until my marathon.  I need to get rid of this. 

7 Comments

Filed under Musings

7 responses to “Things I wasn’t told

  1. Leo

    I dont think your socially stunted, you sound like you’re just shy. On the upside, you keep this blog, and that says alot about you…
    You keep us coming all the time.

  2. I found that for me assertiveness came with age. I am much more outspoken as I near my forties, much less inclined to offer undeserved politeness, and much more likely to call bullshit when required.

  3. I agree with Leo and twitches
    however I also think you speak to a sad truth, we do a poor job of teaching human skills.

  4. My daughter is very shy and I can see a lot of what you wrote in her. I believe I’ve taught her the necessary social skills, she just doesn’t have enough belief in herself to actually practise all of them. It will come as she matures, though, and I’m sure the same will happen to you. In fact, you’d probably be surprised to know how many older people there are who are just as shy as you appear to be but who have learned to push past it. Keep going… you’ll get there in the end 🙂

  5. I would like to clarify my comment regarding “we”.
    By “we” I mean all of us. Our media for children models fighting as a problem solving technique. Our schools are arenas of intimidation. Our curricula emphasizes rote memorization over creative thinking. We continue to worship heros (prom queens, princesses, super heros, handsome quarterbacks, steriodic wrestlers, hot body singers with weak voices, etc ) rather than emphasize and facilitatete the everyday accomplishment of everyday people in a community life of music, dance, art, comedy, service, clubs, etc. We have too few venues for children to thrive and self-actualize.

  6. Well, I agree with nearly all of you. Growing up in a “normal”, supportive environment, a girl stands a good chance of developing these things. I think that it needs to be said that the family I grew up in was less than supportive, though. And that I have a communication disability that definately delayed the development of a lot of the skills discussed in this post.

    I also want to say that I think that twitches makes a great point about the role that society has in the development of a voice. When you are from a specific place or a specific socio-economic class, you are taught to speak with a specific voice, and unfortunately, the voice chosen for midwestern white girls is quiet.

  7. There’s nothing wrong with being shy. Just don’t let people walk on you.

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