And Blythe, I love jerks, too. And they do not love me, either.

I think slynne asked me a question a while back, but now I can’t remember what it was. Suddenly all I can think of is penes.

This is not to discount my vagina. In fact, I shall have a little conversation with her now to make her feel better:

Dana: Psst!

Dana’s Vagina: I was sleeping!!! What do you want???

Dana: I want you to know that I love you.

Dana’s Vagina: And that couldn’t wait until I was awake?

Dana: I am just trying to let you know that I care about you. I want you to feel wanted.

Dana’s Vagina: Great. Thanks. Now put your pants back on and dim the lights.

Dana: Sweet dreams!

I do not have the answers you are looking for, but I do have thoughts…

I don’t think that sex and fantasy are necessarily things we actually want, but more things that we find intriguing. As artists and writers, we have a facination with experience, so fantasizing aout having a penis is a way to expand experience.

Another good example, a gay male friend of mine who is also a painter loves lesbian porn. Nothing there for him, but he likes it. Also, lots of lesbians (not me, though I have known many) like gay porn.

When I masterbate, I usually think about one of two things: Past experiences, but not as a whole, just as specific small parts, or being watched.

That’s my little admission.

Oh, you do have a delicate turn of phrase.

Love is mutable. When we love truely, that love changes with the environment and the facts.

And I am the best lover I have ever had, thank you very much.

That said, Blythe, from wayyy earlier yesterday…
I am prone to prejudging many straight white men of a certain temperment/style. I can’t put my finger on what it is that unifies them, but certain straight white guys really bug me for no reason othern than they exist.

Also: love and pessimism. I’m not sure. I’m still in a semi numb stage. I recently started visiting a counselor, though, and she says I am pessimistic about most things. (and, honestly, my inability to trust in the feelings that we had for one another, and her smiilar inability, was what ended it, so that is a form of pessimism too, right)

Oh well…
Are you pessimistic about love.

And don’t you all feel like we’ve been sitting and having really deep get to know one another chats over coffee with all of this?

I also want to ditto what Blythe sadi about honesty. I do what she does too, not outright lying, but misleading people into a wrong impression of me. Out of fear of rejection and wanting to please authority. I need a tattoo.